Turn Off The Noise and Trust Your Instincts With New Parent Confidence
Hey, new parent! Ever feel like the world is so noisy with all the parenting advice that’s out there? You're not alone. Everyone’s got something to say. From the well-meaning family members to strangers at the grocery store. It can be so exhausting. All this well-intended advice can begin to erode our confidence and self-trust. It makes sense why we become overwhelmed, second-guess ourselves, and fear how others will judge us for how we want to raise our children.
Here’s the thing: building confidence as a new parent doesn’t come from someone’s “approval”. It comes from within. New parent confidence is like a muscle; to strengthen it, we must keep working and nourishing it. Strengthening that muscle helps us turn down the noisiness of parenting advice and turn up the gentle voice in our heads that says, “you’ve got this”.
Why New Parents Feel Overwhelmed By Advice
How can you feel overwhelmed by advice? It’s supposed to be helpful! Yes, and at the same time, it can be too much for various reasons.
New parents are constantly pulled in different directions by social media, family, friends, strangers, and health care professionals. You can imagine it feels like your head is spinning off.
On top of that, new parents deal with a decent amount of uncertainty, which is one of the biggest parenting challenges. Uncertainty that is coupled with negativity, criticism, judgment, confusion, perfectionism, and the demands of the baby can slowly erode your soul and passion. This is what we describe as vulnerability, a state of emotional exposure that comes with a degree of uncertainty.
New parents are vulnerable to the effects of information overload, as it can facilitate internal doubt. It’s led you to believe that everything you are doing is “wrong,” and it can throw off your balance in feeling confident about your parenting decisions.
There is so much pressure to be a “perfect parent”. Social media can paint this illusion to highlight the parts of us that we feel are “good enough” and protect the parts of us that we feel shame about. It's a way to earn approval and acceptance, which can leave you stuck in a cycle of self-doubt and less confident in your ability to trust yourself. The key is to begin connecting to your inner parenting wisdom.
When Too Much Support Becomes Stress
Let’s give some grace for a moment and highlight where these responses may come from. Health care professionals are offering you guidelines in this journey, and your family members and friends want to share the wisdom that they have learned so that you can thrive.
On the other hand, unsolicited advice involves receiving information, advice, input, or suggestions from others you have not requested. There are moments in your day when this might not affect you, and then, there are moments when you are vulnerable, making you susceptible to the pain of disconnection that is felt when you receive advice or unsolicited advice. You feel this pain even deeper because we as humans internalize feelings of shame, rejection, disgust, sadness and isolation, on top of feeling judged, fear, embarrassed, humiliated, and criticized.
Hearing too many opinions can spiral new parents into decision fatigue, causing them to feel like they can't depend on themselves. It puts you on different pages of your values, and this chaos can create distance in your relationships with others and with yourself. It’s draining.
When you have a sense of where to begin filtering out advice, you might feel that your inner voice becomes more empowered. Remember, this is not you being dismissive; it’s actually one of the biggest small steps to reclaiming your confidence. And on the days you notice you are internalizing these messages, it's important to lean into your relationships where you feel the most connection to preserve your parenting confidence.
Trusting Yourself as a New Parent
It’s so easy to get caught in the cycle of not being able to trust yourself. Trusting yourself as a new parent begins within, where you find your parental intuition. It doesn’t always speak words; this starts with feeling it inside your body. Maybe it's in your gut, a pit in your stomach, or tightness in your chest. Or maybe you’re noticing you feel disconnected, sad, irritable, or even hypervigilant. The nervous system is your guide to helping you make optimal decisions when faced with stress and overwhelm.
Imagine holding your baby. It’s so peaceful, and you feel so connected to your baby. And someone is giving you “advice” to “put the baby down so they can self-soothe”. You might feel those same cues in your body ignite, and it says no, it’s not time yet. And so, you stay. Even though the parenting advice out there might tell you otherwise, what you just did in that moment was follow your instincts.
It’s okay for things to work for others and not for you. Every parent is different, and so is every baby. Learning to trust yourself will take time, especially because you are bound to make mistakes that can bring forth shame. The more you take the time and space to listen to your internal cues and your baby’s, the more you will feel grounded in your parenting abilities. You have a lot more wisdom than you think.
Steps to Strengthen Your Confidence as a New Parent
To begin strengthening your confidence as a new parent, grounding yourself can be a powerful first step. Practices like journaling and asking yourself reflective questions can keep you in rooted in the present moment – and that can be more impactful than you think. Try reflecting on these daily:
What did you notice when you were able to help your baby?
What was it like to feel connected to your baby’s needs?
Was there any point you felt disconnected, and where did you go for comfort?
In moments when you find yourself about to react to advice, tune into what’s happening inside. Sometimes your emotional reactions and perceptions may impair your ability to think clearly, and your nervous system might feel attacked. Reflect on these questions:
Does this feel right for me?
Does this feel right for my baby?
Is this creating doubt I don’t need?
What are your internal cues? Close your eyes, place your hands on your chest and stomach, and breathe into this. What do you notice as you breathe into these areas? Is there tension? Relief? Your nervous system will have the messages before your brain.
Incorporating some of these simple practices can foster a secure relationship with yourself. In Emotionally Focused Therapy, we see the secure relationship as the launch pad to explore the world, and at any time, we can return to receive celebration and comfort. You are worthy of that same secure base you offer your baby – and it begins with trusting your heart.
How to Filter Advice Without Guilt
Guilt is a feeling when we have done something “wrong”. Guilt can be the emotional labour of having to justify that sharing your feelings was the right thing to do. This can come from experiences of being dismissed or defensiveness, teaching you that it’s not safe to share your feelings, and it is wrong to do so. It makes sense why you would feel guilty in the first place.
To help us filter out guilt, it’s important to start with ourselves. Let’s slow down for a moment...
Listen to what the other is saying and your internal cues simultaneously.
Reflect on the meaning that you make. “Am I feeling judged or hurt? Am I feeling loved? Am I too overwhelmed to hear this now?”
You don’t have to agree or take the advice. Decide what aligns with your parental intuition.
Here are some tips for conversations with loved ones:
Start with some appreciation
“I really appreciate how much you care, I’ll think about that”
Use “I” statements
This keeps the focus on your feelings and needs to reframe from blame.
Naming one thing you’d like them to do more of, and one thing you would like them to do less of.
If you feel that boundaries should be put in place, just know that boundaries are not about creating distance from your loved ones. It’s about inviting in a healthier connection. When your needs are respected, you can be more authentic within your relationships.
Building Daily Confidence as a New Parent
Feeling confident consistently isn’t always linear; the highs can feel amazing, and the lows can be discouraging. This shift between these two emotional places can be quiet confusing and even disorienting.
To find balance, start with some small daily confidence-boosting habits. They can become your “evidence” of growth, even when it doesn’t feel like it. Whether you write it down or say it out loud, take a moment to name what's working for you. Maybe you had a nap today, or maybe you made it through the whole hour alone. These little moments matter!
Keep a little “validation jar” or a “mom wins” journal. Write down each time you notice something you felt good about (whether it’s big or small). Overtime, you’ll have collected a mini library to seek reassurance for moments of doubt.
It’s okay to ask for parenting support too. Turn to someone you trust – who you view as a mentor, who has your best interest at heart, and who offers emotional safety. Supportive relationships don’t just comfort us; they awaken the inner strengthen and energy we carry, often without realizing it.
On the days that are difficult, it can be hard not to think you are failing. All your parenting confidence can feel like it’s thrown out the window. But remember, confidence takes practice, not a destination. Overtime, you will build muscle memory that can pull you out from the moments you feel disconnected from your parental intuition. You are doing the best that you can.
How Perinatal Counselling Can Support You
Seeking out therapy isn’t a sign that you are broken and need to be fixed – it’s a beautiful place to navigate this journey so you can thrive. Becoming a parent is one of the biggest transitions in life, yet it can be so humbling. Perinatal Counselling at Counselling & Co. offers a warm and safe space to express it all with no judgement.
The change of becoming a parent is so profound, and Perinatal Counselling can help you process these identity shifts, allowing you to be in a space where you don’t need to know all the answers and to show up as exactly as you are. It’s the space to strengthen the trust you have in your voice while exploring what you feel. Your feelings are yours, and no one can tell you that your feelings are wrong.
The therapeutic relationship is like a microcosm of all your relationships, where you can discover your sense of self-worth and values as a parent to help you define your boundaries. It’s a brilliant way to unpack the stress of setting boundaries that impair your ability to remain flexible while maintaining your relationships.
If you are ready to feel more confident, grounded, and connected in your parenting journey, we warmly and wholeheartedly invite you to visit our Perinatal Counselling page to learn more about how we can support you. We are here to help you cultivate resilience because we know that you are doing the best you can right now.
Conclusion
Remember, you are a good parent! The advice overload can be so overwhelming, and we might second-guess ourselves to think we aren’t good enough. Which is why new parent confidence is built, not bought – and it begins by tuning into your own truth and internal wisdom on what YOU feel is best for YOUR child.
You don’t need to follow every piece of advice to be a good parent, and it's okay to set boundaries when you sense it becoming too much. Setting boundaries is not about creating distance, but it’s about creating a space where you can love them and you, simultaneously. You can follow the parenting advice that YOU feel best aligns with your parental intuition. So, let’s turn off the noise together and trust your instincts with all your new parent confidence.
At Counselling & Co., we believe that it takes a village to raise a family, and we are here to be a part of yours. If you ever find yourself feeling overwhelmed with parenting advice, Counselling & Co. is here to support you in your journey to confidence. Click here to connect to one of our passionate therapists today.
Click here to check out our upcoming online workshop series, Boundaries & Balance, and learn how setting healthy boundaries helps build more fulfilling relationships and deal with postpartum overwhelm. You will leave feeling aligned, supported, and empowered.