Common Back-to-School Worries and How Parents Can Help
As our beloved summer months come to a close, the back-to-school season comes at us in full force. By mid-August, back to school is on the minds of kids and their parents. After a summer of rest, relaxation, and fun, September can seem daunting for both children and parents. We are here to tell you, this is normal! Our brains find comfort in routine, so this transitional period, where we are pulled into both new and old patterns, can be stressful. For kids, back to school is a major transition time as routines are resumed and new relationships and experiences are around the corner. For parents, this often means the mental load of planning and organizing schedules also resumes. Focusing on emotional well-being can facilitate a smooth transition for both parents and their kids as we approach the back-to-school season.
What Kids Worry About Most When Going Back to School
Kids most commonly worry about the following aspects of back-to-school:
Fear of being separated from parents: It is incredibly common for kids, especially ones who are starting kindergarten or moving schools, to experience forms of separation anxiety. To feel disconnected from the well-established relationships in their life, while attending school, can be uncomfortable and worrisome.
Worries about making new friends or fitting in: Kids desire to feel accepted, seen, and safe with peers at school, and may feel vulnerable in trying to create or re-establish new connections in September. Their worries may sound like, “What if no one likes me?”, “What if no one wants to play with me at recess?”, “What if everyone already has a group of friends?”
Nervousness about new teachers or unfamiliar classroom environments: You might notice your child becoming quieter the week before school or asking repeated questions about their new teacher and new classroom.
Anticipating academic pressures and new subjects: Many students experience internal and external performance pressures to succeed academically, making it common for children to be thinking about how they will adjust to the new grade, subjects, and more challenging content.
General fear of change: There is so much that seems uncertain about change and times of transition, and the back-to-school season is no exception. What comes with the changes of September is the loss of familiar, often more relaxed routines, the newness of a new grade, and developmental adjustments as children enter a new phase of life.
Why Back-to-School Worries Happen
The worries children experience associated with back to school occur for a combination of reasons. One reason why children may feel overwhelmed is the changes to their routine. Over the summer, your children may have had the chance to sleep in, stay out late, spend more time with family, and change their eating habits. After a couple of months of their summer routine, going back to a more fixed school schedule can be challenging and even upsetting. Additionally, children’s emotional well-being may feel thrown off, due to the newness, uncertainty and change that comes with back to school. It is common for children to feel uncertain about social situations with new friends and even well-established peers. The potential of new rules and academic expectations associated with beginning a new grade can also feel uncertain.
In addition to the general worries that come with going back to school, your kiddos with past experiences of struggling socially or academically in school may experience a deeper level of emotional imbalance. For instance, children who have been bullied or excluded from peer groups may find it more difficult to feel comfortable establishing new friendships. Another important consideration is temperament, as some children are generally just more sensitive to change. This may be associated with neurodivergence, as children with Attention-Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder and Autism Spectrum Disorder typically struggle more with adapting to change and uncertainty because of the differences in how their brains process predictability, routine, and emotional regulation. We must also not forget how the pandemic has left a lasting impact on many children's social, emotional, and academic growth.
Signs Your Child Has Back-to-School Worries
If you’re wondering if your child is experiencing back-to-school worries, there are a few signs to look out for. Physically, your child may have trouble sleeping or experience headaches or stomach aches. Some emotional signs to be aware of are irritability, crying, mood swings, or clinginess. Behavioural signs could be withdrawal from relationships and activities, reluctance to talk about school, or sudden changes in eating habits.
Why Talking to Kids about Back to School Matters
Children might not always come out and say, “I’m worried about going back to school.” Consequently, it is important as parents to be aware of the subtle physical, emotional, and behavioural signs that may suggest back-to-school anxiety. Additionally, facilitating open and honest conversations can aid you in spotting these signs.
Supportive Ways to Help Your Child with Back-to-School Worries
Start Conversations Early
Initiating conversations about back to school early is essential, as it gives both children and parents time to address any concerns and prepare. Open-ended questions about your child’s feelings regarding back to school can support parents in better understanding their children’s emotional needs. For instance, a question such as “What are you most excited about or nervous about when you think about going back to school?” In these early conversations, parents can demonstrate support by normalizing their child’s emotions and worries. Statements such as “Lots of kids feel this way, and it’s okay to talk about it” could help reduce stress and support emotional well-being.
Build a Predictable Routine
Take time to sit with your child to organize, build, and talk through the new, predictable routine. Together, you and your child can pack their school bag, organize school supplies, visit the school, reconnect with peers and meet the teacher if possible.
Practice Coping Skills
There is a range of coping skills that you and your child can explore, including deep breathing exercises, positive self-talk and affirmations, and role-plays of what the first day may look like. Not only can establishing some coping strategies before going back to school reduce worries, but it can also be a way to remind your child of the skills that they can implement on their own, once school begins.
Stay Calm and Positive Yourself
When a parent can stay calm, steady, and warm when their child is feeling anxious, they are co-regulating with their child. Children tend to borrow emotional cues from their parents, so by modelling calmness, you can support your child’s brain and body to settle. When it comes to back-to-school anxiety, parents may send supportive, reassuring, and non-dismissive messages to their child, such as “You're allowed to feel nervous and be brave at the same time”, “I’ll be right here cheering you on.”
How to Support Emotional Well-being Before School Starts
Encouraging daily open conversations about feelings, in a way to normalize talking about and naming emotions, can support your child before school starts. Offer praise to your children for their efforts, rather than just outcomes. This way, children can feel proud of trying new things, without the pressure of needing to achieve certain social, academic, or emotional outcomes. As summer comes to a close, you may want to establish some new, fun, family routines at home. These routines might be reading together, watching a movie together, or other downtime activities. In addition to supporting your child’s emotional well-being before school starts, you must support your own. In a way to both model and co-regulate, you, as parents, must stay rested and supported to be best equipped to support your child.
How Child Therapy Supports Families in Oakville
You may find yourself wondering about whether your child’s back-to-school anxiety falls within the typical nervousness that students experience in September. For the most part, you, as a loving and supportive parent who wants the best for your child, are equipped with the support your children need. However, signs that extra help may be needed include persistent anxiety, avoidance, or distress about back to school. For children whose back-to-school stress continues over time, therapy can provide meaningful support through play, conversation, and the development of coping strategies. By involving therapy in support of your child, you likely will also feel supported and will be given the space to acquire tools for addressing ongoing worries. At Counselling & Co., our team of experienced therapists can help support children through their back-to-school worries and distress.
Conclusion
Overall, you are not alone in this - back-to-school worries are both common and manageable. Consequently, there is a range of strategies you can implement as a parent concerned about their child in the upcoming months. Mainly, focus on both your and your child’s emotional well-being during this time of transition by facilitating open and honest conversations. Moreover, we, at Counselling & Co., are here to provide local support for you and your child in Oakville.
Get Support Today
If you are feeling concerned about your child during this back-to-school season, please reach out with questions or to learn more about how Counselling and Co. can support back-to-school worries. If you feel child therapy might be the right fit, we invite you to visit our contact page. We’d be happy to connect!