What to Do If Your Child Is Being Bullied: A Parent’s Guide
Bullying is a complicated and sometimes touchy situation to navigate. Children may be afraid to tell because of the threat that the bullying will get worse. They may worry about being called names or being made fun of.
If your child does share with you that they are being bullied, it is important to listen, validate, and take supportive action.
Listening: hear what they need to say without interruption or trying to solve the problem. You want to give your child space to share everything they need to share. Interrupting or offering solutions may cause them to shut down or not feel heard. Remaining neutral to the situation is important, as your child may feel like they are causing you to become upset by sharing the information.
Validate what your child is saying and feeling. Let them know that how they are feeling is normal and that you understand the feelings they are experiencing. Reassure them you are there for them and want to support them.
Take supportive action. Let your child know you are there to support them and will help them in any way. Make sure your child knows you are on their side. Ask your child what you can do to help them in the moment, and remind them that home is a safe space.
Bullying can happen anywhere and in many forms. At school, on the playground, in peer groups, and online. With so many kids connected virtually, it is easy to miss when this may be happening. Staying connected to your children and encouraging open communication and daily conversations will help your child to feel safe and secure to share their struggles.
How to Recognize When Your Child Needs Help
Your child may start to exhibit unusual or out-of-character behaviours. Emotional and behavioural indicators may include fear, anxiety, school avoidance, withdrawing from friends, or showing a diminished interest in activities they used to enjoy.
Subtle indicators your child is being bullied may include changes in sleep patterns, such as being unable to fall asleep, sleeping more than usual, or broken sleep. Their eating habits may change, they are not finishing their dinner, or their lunches are coming home untouched. They are experiencing mood fluctuations or always seem down and closed off. They may complain of physical symptoms such as headaches or stomach aches. They state they don’t want to go to school or their academics are starting to suffer.
It is important to recognize these signs early so you can intervene as soon as possible. Ongoing bullying can cause long-term, lasting implications such as, depression, low self-esteem, or mental health struggles, often interfering with their current functioning. In extreme cases, suicide can be a very real choice some children make. Intervening early can lessen the impact and consequences your child will experience.
If you are concerned or your child is talking about harming themselves, please reach out to one of the resources listed.
Go to your nearest Emergency room
911
Kids Help Phone (offers different options to connect)
What Parents Should Say
It is important to have conversations with your child that are calm and supportive. Allow your child to share without interrupting them, offering advice, or trying to solve the problem. Show your child you understand and you are there for them.
Validating your child’s feelings is important and helps to show them you understand. Help them navigate the conversation without judgement and without showing upset feelings as this can create more anxiety in your child. Ensure your child knows this is not their fault and they are not responsible for what the bully is doing.
Avoid using dismissive language such as, “just ignore it” or “it’s just kid stuff”. This will make your child feel they are not important and the situation is not serious. You want your child to open up to you about their problems and to seek your comfort and support. These types of comments will cause them to shut down and teach them you cannot be trusted to help.
Sit with your child and engage in a conversation about how you can help. Children often do not want their parents involved for different reasons. They don’t want to look weak, they fear the bullying will get worse, or the bully has told them it will. Allow your child the opportunity to problem-solve with you.
Taking Action at School
Document what your child tells you, and get the full picture from them. Record information such as the names of those involved, where it is happening, when it is happening, how often it is happening, and if they have previously told someone else, and that person’s response. Ask your child to share what the bully is doing. Is it physical, emotional, online, or a combination of all of these?
Get the school involved as soon as you learn about the bullying. Share your concerns and ask for a meeting with school administrators and staff. Explain calmly what your child has shared with you and ask to work together to create a plan on how to keep your child safe at school. You can ask for updates about your child’s day and talk with the school staff about the anti-bullying policies and how they implement them. Working collaboratively with the school, staying involved and informed, will create a positive partnership and be more effective in having the school work with you.
It is important to keep a calm and cool demeanour as it shows your child and the school staff that you can have rational, thoughtful, problem-solving conversations.
Supporting Your Child’s Confidence at Home
Supporting your child’s confidence at home will be an important foundation to help them become more confident at school. Offering patience and care, staying aware of their feelings and needs, and inviting them to have conversations with you about their day, all support open communication, safety, and trust. Share in their accomplishments and acknowledge their success, even small ones. This helps to build their self-esteem and self-confidence.
Teach your child about healthy friendships and encourage this with them. Having a good group of friends allows your child to feel supported and included. Respect is equally important; ensure your child knows that respectful, supportive friends do not pick on them or hurt them in any way, including physically. Empower your child to communicate with peers when they do not like something they are doing.
Build self-esteem through positive reinforcement. Help your child feel good about themselves, and getting them involved in something they are good at will help to build their self-esteem, which, in turn, builds their confidence. Offering positive reinforcement helps your child feel good about who they are and builds a positive sense of self.
Help your child to practice assertive responses, which include their body language. Teach your child ways to react and respond that show confidence and strength in what they believe and how to stand up for themselves. Role-play with your child different ways they can show their confidence by using assertive responses
How Counselling & Co. Can Help Children and Teens Who Have Been Bullied
Bullying can create ongoing struggles, such as anxiety, sadness, or withdrawal. This is where counselling may help. If you or your child is experiencing ongoing struggles with bullying or is overwhelmed with how to navigate, consider reaching out for extra support. Our empathic and caring counsellors can help with learning new skills and strategies, confidence building, self-esteem, emotional support, and family guidance on how to coach their child through difficult situations.
Counselling and Co. is located in Oakville and offers support in-person and virtually.
Conclusion
Hearing that your child is being bullied is heartbreaking and difficult, but there are ways to help them. This can be overwhelming for families and children. The good news is you don’t have to do it alone. We are experienced counsellors who can support you and your child in navigating this challenging time.
Reach out today to book a session with one of our qualified therapists or contact Counselling and Co. to be connected with one of our counsellors who specializes in working with children.
Don’t let bullying stop your child from missing out on life’s opportunities,
FAQs About Your Child Being Bullied
Should I contact the bully’s parents directly?
The best course of action is to contact and update the school about the bullying situation. Contacting the bully’s parents directly could result in the situation becoming worse. It is important to keep emotions calm and focus on the behaviours taking place, and come to a collaborative solution. Having a mediator will help keep the focus on the behaviours at hand and create a problem-solving plan.What if my child doesn’t want to talk about it?
Allow your child the time and space they need to open up and talk to you. Remind them you are there for them and believe what they have to say. Acknowledge that they are dealing with something difficult, and you are always ready to listen. It is always at your discretion as a parent, to decide what is best. If your child does not want to talk, but is showing signs of distress or behaving out of character, it is always best to take action and speak with others connected to your child to see if they have any information.How do I know when it’s time to involve a therapist?
If your child does not appear to be feeling better, is continuing to struggle, appears to be feeling worse, or is showing signs of distress, this would be a good time to reach out to a therapist. If your child does not want to talk to or open up to you about the situation. Or if you, as a parent, are feeling stuck or unsure of what to do next, reach out to one of our experienced, caring counsellors to help navigate this challenge with you. You are not alone.