Stress and Anger: How Men Can Find Healthier Outlets

For some men, anger appears to be an inevitable response to stress but there are healthier ways to navigate all the emotional ups and downs that come with it. According to Canadian Men’s Health Foundation, 64% of Canadian men report moderate-to-high levels of stress. That’s a lot of stressed-out sons, brothers, fathers, and partners and for some of these guys, anger is the leading emotion.

Whether this looks like a shortened fuse, aggressive outbursts, or a lack of empathy and compassion for others, the hard truth is an angry man is a hard man to be around. But an angry man is also, and with compassion, a hard man to be. It’s not healthy to be so angry-not physically, not mentally, and certainly not relationally. If you experience anger issues, feel like you are becoming the angry dad or partner you never wanted to be- hear this: stress and anger do not need to rule your life.

You don’t have to get stuck in this stressed-out, impatient version of yourself. You can learn to understand and regulate your anger while using healthier outlets to manage your stress.

Why Do Men Hide Stress Behind Anger?

It is, of course, every man’s responsibility to manage his own emotional health, but when understanding emotions was not taught or modelled as a young boy, the concept of may feel like new and foreign territory. There are social reasons why men lean toward anger instead of expressing more vulnerable feelings. Learning what these reasons are can help increase understanding.

Social conditioning and gender norms play a big role in how boys and men navigate their emotions. From a young age, boys are often taught - implicitly or explicitly - that showing fear, sadness, or hopelessness is a sign of weakness. Anger, on the other hand, gets more social acceptance, is viewed as masculine and strong. Under these conditions, it makes perfect sense why anger ends up feeling like a safer emotion for boys and men to express.

Biology also plays a role in how men manage emotions. When a person is under stress, their body releases adrenaline and cortisol, both hormones that prepare you for “fight or flight.” For some (especially those socialized to externalize their distress), the “fight” side shows up as irritability and anger. It’s both a physiological reaction and an emotional one.

Learning to slow down and sit with feelings of anger, can be incredibly hard work but it can also be a way of creating some space for those underlying emotions to come through.

What are the Signs of Stress in Men?

As a loved one, it’s useful to know the signs and symptoms of stress in men. It’s also important for men to observe themselves for symptoms of stress. Ask yourself, how is stress impacting me emotionally, physically, and behaviourally?

Some emotional signs of stress in men are irritability, snapping at loved ones, being impatient or lashing out with anger. Withdrawal may also occur, including pulling away from friends and family, or losing interest in hobbies and activities.  Feeling kind of numb or detached is also possible, as are feelings of anxiousness, restlessness or a generally low mood.

Physical signs of stress in men may show up as headaches, muscle pain, tension in the jaw or shoulders. Digestive issues may also arise along with problems sleeping, a change in energy, and even shifts in libido and/or sexual functioning.

Behavioural signs of stress may look like spending excessive time on work; this could be a conscious or subconscious form of avoidance. An increased use of alcohol or other substances, gambling, road rage, or impulsive spending may also be happening. A decrease in hygiene and self-care may be observed as might challenges with concentration leading to indecisiveness, an increase in forgetfulness, and more frequent mistakes.

These emotional, physical, and behavioural signs of stress in men can have a heavy impact on men’s mental health. Knowing what signs to look for can be an important step toward making some healthy changes.

What are Healthy Ways for Men to Manage Stress and Anger?

Once signs and symptoms of stress have been recognized, it's important to take intentional steps toward developing healthier stress-management strategies. Regular exercise, for example running or strength training, can help men release built-up tension while boosting endorphins. This can lead to improved mood, energy, and concentration. Adequate sleep and a balanced diet, focusing on whole foods, lean proteins, and vegetables can boost emotional stability and a reduce irritability.

Practicing mindfulness or meditation can help men become more aware of their body sensations and emotional experiences. Getting in tune with what you are feeling can help you respond to stressors from a calmer less reactive place, positively impacting your interactions with others.

It is, of course, also beneficial to talk about stressful experiences and emotions with a friend, a partner, or a therapist. Suppressing thoughts and feelings can lead to resentment as well as emotional outbursts. Choosing to speak from a place of vulnerably can feel nerve wracking, especially within a group of guy friends who lean more toward light topics and casual banter, but you would be surprised at how often one vulnerable share can open the door for other men to follow suit.

Engaging in hobbies and other creative outlets like listening to music, making art, or going for hikes can be fulfilling solo or social stress releases. Touch base with yourself in this area, are you doing things that bring you joy? Combining physical activity and nutrition, emotional care and expression, and more personalized activities, men can manage stress more constructively while building healthier relationships with themselves and others.

How Does Counselling Help Men Manage Stress and Anger?

Individual counselling for men can be a safe and supportive opportunity to build more effective stress and anger management.  Learning to understand and process what’s underneath the anger, as well as what triggers it, can empower men to show up for themselves in new, healthier ways.

Though men may feel reluctant to reach out for therapy, due to social stigma, fear of judgement or even hesitancy to dig deeper. But being able to see yourself clearly, and with compassion instead of anger, can be a liberating feeling one that is sure to have a ripple effect in your relationships.

Choosing the right therapist is an important step. Whether you are seeking a men’s therapist in Oakville, or a virtual men’s therapist, look for the qualities that matter to you. Are you wanting a therapist with a good sense of humour and a down-to-earth approach?  Do you think someone structured or more go-with-the-flow is ideal? Are you drawn to gentleness or a more direct style? These are a few questions to ask yourself and maybe your prospective therapists.

Managing stress and anger can be a challenge, but there is hope. If you are curious about how therapy can help you better manage anger and stress, feel free to reach out to Counselling and Co. for a free fifteen-minute meet and greet with some of our therapists.

FAQ

What is the difference between anger issues and stress overload?

Anger issues involve frequent, intense, and uncontrollable angry responses that often arise from frustration or a perceived threat. Stress overload, on the other hand, occurs when life’s demands exceed a person’s ability to cope leading to physical and emotional exhaustion. While stress can trigger anger, anger issues persist even without major stressors

When should a man get help for anger?

Men should seek therapy for anger if they want some additional support in building stress management skills, feel uncertain what steps to take to improve anger issues, or notice their anger escalating and becoming less controllable. It is also a good idea to seek help if anger is impacting relationships with loved ones.

Where can men get counselling for stress in Oakville?

Counselling and Co. has some wonderful therapists in Oakville who specialize in supporting men with their emotional health, including better ways to work with anger and manage stress.  Whether you are looking for in-person therapy in Oakville or virtual counselling, there are several therapists on hand.

Feel free to reach out to Shannon Day Cheung, Sapna Chitta, Erin Harvey, Catarina Martins and ... Along with others!